#+TITLE: Tank lobsters
#+DATE: 2020-11-20

they tell me i can be what i want to be when i grow up, anything in the world my child, imagine it and you will make it, think it and you will be it, touch it and you will hold it so i tell them that i want to be a tank lobster

a tank lobster, those glorious glorious creatures some kind of an alien that is real and here right here at the back of the upmarket supermarket no my child we don’t shop in there when this one is just as good and half the price but, one child from school tells me that the upmarket supermarket is where the tank lobsters tend to be so i walk in after school one day, hands behind my back because i am sophisticated, chin up because i am sophisticated, down the aisles down and there at the back is the tank the lobster tank with the tank lobsters in

my child, they say, you can be anything, set your mind to it and you will but you cannot be a lobster not a tank lobster, that is not something you will ever be, a lobster in a tank

sweet sweet lobster with your claws in front, snap snap, watch vacant, vacant smile, the colour of love, the colour of heat, the colour of memories, slowly moving, one tank lobster two tank lobsters three cramped lobsters tucked up in the upmarket supermarket back where little me hands behind back chin up went to see and stand and watch, tank lobsters

tank lobsters like the sea lobsters, flooring along in the sea lobsters, swimming and flicking claws in front, free lobsters, vacant smile, smile freely, pots down, freedom out, dance in, one pot lobster parloured up, two pot lobsters parloured up, three pot lobsters well, well done my friends you know how it goes, pot lobsters potting good ready to be tanked up

look my child at these buoys, these coloured balloons across the sea so sweet aren’t they sweet my child? imagine how peaceful how beautiful it would be to be a buoy on the sweet sweet sea, peaceful peaceful, a utility, a thing, a buoy is something you will never be, a marker of the pots the lobster pots, show the lobster catchers where the caves of death on the sea floor are, mark the way and let them wait to come and take and tank the potted free sea lobsters, keep them store them tank them, tank lobsters now, tank lobsters in the store, the upmarket supermarket, at the back hands behind back chin up go see them squeezed in, the colour of love, sweet sweet smile vacant click click snap snap, no room squeezed in forgive me please oh love me yes, love me, please

my child,

my child

imagine, lobster free free lobster swimming crawling lobstering along in the free sea on the free sea floor when the lobster free lobster sees meat yes please food, food to eat good food love food eat food can’t go did the lobster know, free lobster know, that this food would be the last free food who knows, who knows, next time it ate would only be flakes, shared flakes sprinkle sprinked in the tank from a can by a man working underpaid overtime in a bit too small branded apron at the upmarket supermarket standing at the back by the tank, thank you smile and wave, have a nice day, there’s a tank with a stack of tank lobsters slowly smiling, smiling vacant claws out snap snap red like love, like heat like heat like

do you remember my child, the songs we used to sing, you would sit on my knee and smile and speak a language no one knew except for you, the words were words of need and joy and not much more, inarticulate and yet articulate articulate, i’d bounce you bounce bounce you and clap the words and you would clap back clap clap back to me and smile i love you i love you love you

lobsters clap tank lobsters don’t clap free, sea lobsters free are free to clap as they crawl in the sea their claws go snap snap clap what i would give,

what i would give

my child

would i give my child, would i give you to have you back, to have it be how it used to be, would i give would i give, give you, where am i know where are you, me, i’m here, where

clap

clap clap

they say they say that lobsters love for life that lobsters are not unfaithful creatures free loving freely on the sea floor roaming, lobsters love one lobster each and that lob loves right back a pair of lobsters each the colour of love, the colour of heat, if we could be those lobsters would we, i would love for you to be a lobster, anything you want to be know you can be, loved like a lobster

tank lobster, love too do they love the lobsters they are tanked with do they break their lobster love pledge and give up, start again when tanked or do they wait and stay faithful in case one day they find their love again, perhaps they ,now that tank lobsters never meet their love again and simply lay stacked snap snapping sad and snatched from what makes life worth living, cramped lobster two lobsters, tank lobsters red, the colour of love but no love there they’re all just tanked instead

there i stand in the upmarket supermarket chin up hands behind back walk back to the back click clack only silence and the man underpaid overworking overtime in a bit too small apron stopped over the tank, my tank their tank, spilling flakes they’re nothing on the meat of the cages where the tank lobsters last were free only wanted to eat, now they’re lobster meat tanked, waiting waiting for an up chinned hand backed buyer to come in, do they know, do they know the slow warm comforting killing coming to them

but

no, tank lobsters are only lying stacked cramped tanked click clack snip snap claws out vacant smiles memories of love forever red the colour of love the colour of heat but not hot they are cold, like me

my child, what are you saying

underpaid overworked man understands stoops back to the back staff place in the upmarket supermarket, tip toes me up try for tank reach i reach in, the clammy tank lobsters touch my hands pull out writhe can’t be hard, zip my coat a comfort hand hide my work, like i’m pregnant, wet floor dripping drip also feel the lobster kicking don’t worry

untanked lobster you aren’t tanked any more tank lobster free, free sea lobster i will take you to the sea, i will let you wander free and find forever love once more

they tell me i can be what i want to be, be who i want to be, i don’t know what i want to be, the tank lobster freed by me floated quietly on the sea when i gently placed them to go free, i killed a family, me, and a family is the only thing i don’t know if i know i want to need, to be,

a family maybe i should be

my child, know that you have me who loves loves you and cares for you is there for you,

i don’t know you, a narrative, you are so many and so few so full of empty words you judge my worth on words and what you’ve heard and show me love to move you up, you use me as a ladder climbing up a stack of tank lobsters to feed yourself to find the meat that dangles hangs in front the cage you don’t realise the cage is caging you inside you’re stuck, i’m not your child i’m just your toy your way you throw away, been thrown away so much that i won’t judge the way you act i know that what you strive for is a trap

in a way we’re all tank lobsters already, and maybe it’s a sorry dream but that’s the way it tends to be